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Question:
Can
you also elaborate on the stories you have heard about the control
methods used within QF? How does spiritual abuse within QF actually
manifest itself?
I think
that at this point, I’ve address this first question already.
Subtle means of punishment as opposed to positive reinforcement and
exclusion from group activities and benefits convey a great deal of
disapproval. Informal correction to formal procedures, councils and
courts can eventually result in shunning which Robert Lifton called
the “dispensing of existence.” This loss of personhood while one
is still a member of a group can be devastating.
Spiritual
abuse generally manifests after the honeymoon period, much like the
cycle of abuse that is characteristic of domestic abuse in individual
relationships. Conflicts begin to arise as tension builds, leading
to some crisis. After a confrontation, both the group and the abused
member regret the confrontation or acting out, and they are then
wooed back into the good graces of the group.
For a
family involved in a QF/P church or parachurch community, an
individual in the family will just have the sense that something is
wrong. When the written rules or the primary mission of the group
seems to become secondary to the preferences of a leader or a hidden
agenda dictated by that “hidden curriculum” that truly reflects
the clandestine nature of the group, it creates a sense of
discomfort. Actions will not match the tone of language, or
behaviors will not seem appropriate within a particular setting or
during a particular event. When these episodes of dissonance arise,
most people will set them aside to consider later, hoping that they
will make sense at a later time.
One
former member of a group affiliated with ICSA
stated that it is as if one’s individual episodes of doubt and
dissonance or confusion are placed on a shelf. But as time wears on
and as issues become more intense or pressing, it is as if the shelf
gives way and breaks. At this time, a person must consider whether
they will follow their own better judgement which they’ve set
aside, or they can decide to delve deeper into the group to avoid the
discomfort.
I very
much like the description offered by the character Morpheus in TheMatrix film. There is something wrong with the world, but you
don’t know what it is. It is the splinter in your mind, driving
your mad. You feel it. You see it when you go about the events of
your life. It is the wool that has been pulled down over your eyes
to blind you from the truth — that you were born into a prison for
your mind.
~
Cynthia Kunsman
The
view of Quiverfull from my vantage
August
2015
