Pressures on Children within Quiverfull And Patriarchy

In Chapter 3 of the recovery book, Take Back Your Life, Lalich and Tobias explain the additional pressures that children face from childhood into adulthood, all of which tend to keep them silent and powerless. I’ve listed only some of these pressures, personalizing them for those who grew up in the Quiverfull/Patriarchy Movement. To that list, I would add the lifelong physical consequences and the profound psychological toll associated with Developmental Trauma Disorder.

• The group’s world and perspective may be all that they’ve ever known. (How does a child do something that they have never experienced and lack the skills to accomplish and perhaps even the vocabulary to describe these tasks?)
• They fear the unsafe and evil outside world, both physically and in terms of ideas which are seen as more destructive. (See writings concerning young women in patriarchy.)
• Restricted self-determination, particularly for daughters, at the discretion of the visionary patriarch of the family for whom they exist to serve until given in marriage to their own new male covering.
• Unmarried girls are the de facto property of their parents, as the wife is considered the property of her husband.

What Those Outside the System and the Adult Recruit Take for Granted

When people outside of a spiritually abusive system or adults who choose to join a group consider the actions of a Second Generation Adult (SGA), they usually fail to take these developmental gaps into consideration. 

They also forget about the dependency of a child and the fact that the child doesn’t have the ability to challenge a parent through critical thinking. This generally does not start developing in the manner that most people expect until about age 12. This is why algebra is taught in high school and not taught to typical eight year olds. Younger children don’t yet have that ability.

Understanding Child Growth and Development in High Demand Groups

“Good enough” parenting gives a child sufficient resources for successful lifelong growth and development. Unfortunately, parents involved in a total institution often instill a different legacy – a difficult one – in their children.

Those who grow up in a high demand religious group classify as a “Second Generation Adults” (SGAs) – adults who grew up under parenting that was dictated by and within a closed ideological system. The needs of “SGAs” are very different from those of the adults who make the choice as adults to yield themselves to such a system. These children who are born or inducted into a group never had the luxury of making such an independent choice. Depending on the group, many of these SGAs find that the parenting they received fell well below a “good enough” standard.

Jill Mytton: Growing Up in a High Demand (Christian Fundamentalist) Group

Jill Mytton grew up in a cultic Christian fundamentalist sect and describes some of the difficulties that one faces when they know nothing about what life is like outside of their group. How does a blind person conceive of what color is? How does a lame person or someone with no legs walk? In many ways, the person who grows up in a group struggles to learn what they never knew before so that they can leave.  Why is it so hard?

This video (embedded below) touches on the pressure of bounded choice, but the lack of resources – abilities and experience that the adult never developed because they were micromanged actually present a different pressure that intensifies things for those who grow up in a group.

At Least Two Types of Bounded Choice

Bounded choice is a term that describes a situation wherein a person appears to have choices, but none of them are really attainable or viable. For Second Generation Adults – those who were raised in high demand religion, I believe that they face at least two specific kinds of bounded choice. One involves ignorance of alternatives. The other involves double binds.

Ignorance about a Better Way

Imagine asking a blind person to describe color or a deaf person that has never heard any sound to understand and describe music. Children who grow up very cloistered will understand their baseline as a normal, healthy life, and they will not conceive of anything outside of their small world. I recently spoke to a woman who was raised in a very isolated cult, and her family didn't have a telephone or a television. As an adult, someone asked her why she didn't phone the police when she was assaulted. 

Having spent most of her life without a telephone and without observing adults using phones, that option didn't occur to her – had a phone even been available. She didn't have television, so she never saw a newscast or a drama where someone in danger phoned the police for help. Not until years later did she realize that she was completely ignorant about what our society considers a typical and healthy response.